Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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