Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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