so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How naked do you want me to be?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
