I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
