Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
