By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
