I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
