And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
