yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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