I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize