I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had to cum in my sink.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
