YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
