In America we eat man semen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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