She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
