so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize