she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
