There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
