cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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