so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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