Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
