Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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