Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
