I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
