so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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