its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
