OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
