"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
