Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
