People in love make me want to vomit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
