Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
