i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
