ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
