you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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