that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
