I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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