Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
