there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
