Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
