I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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