Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
