so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
