never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
