Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
