Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
