Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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