if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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