I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
