I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
