guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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