I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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