I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
