I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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