No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
