I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
