Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
