Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
