I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
