capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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