Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
do nipples grow back?
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