when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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