there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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