I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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