i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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