Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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