the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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