PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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