You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
