Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
