I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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