is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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