you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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