I'm lost and stupid without you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
